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|Tuesday, April 27th, 2004|
So, I'm working late at night, minding my old business... and decide to check out my old journal. I haven't looked at it in a very long time.
Lo' and behold. It's been one entire year to the day since I've updated it.
For the sake of posterity, I shall continue the story.
I'm a happy cat now. I have found love, am still in the same apartment from my last post last year, but looking to move in with my girlfriend Kelly within a month or so. I'm still working for the same place, but my prospects for moving on are looking very good.
My life has stabilized into a nice normal routine, I still go to clubs, I still take pictures, I still work on music. I am happy to put the past behind me and realise that I've learned alot from my experiences and don't regret them.
There were alot of times when I just wanted to curl up and die, but I persevered, and found myself triumphant in a way. I am strong, healthy, happy, and looking towards a bright future, what more can I ask?
My current day to day adventures are chronicled over at http://www.livejournal.com/triptogn
though, I'm sure everyone on that keeps Sadcat alive by keeping this journal on their friends list probably already reads it. I just wanted to make an update, considering its a sort of anniversary.
|Sunday, April 27th, 2003|
|an epilogue of sorts
The story didnt end.
People like to see themselves as stories, or as a movie that eventually comes to a close, where all credits due are given, all the loose ends are tied, and there is a definite feeling of this is DONE. Such is not the case in my opinion, as I have seen that the story of BQ for example lives on through me, through Curegirl, through Aaron.
And So the story of the boy that called himself Sadcat, still continues on...
It isnt as though a year or 10 years have passed, but much has happened that should be shared HERE. This journal chronicled much of the toughest parts of my life. I weathered divorce, love, uncertainty, hatreds, and friendships here, and here I must give those things some thought and credence. As I write this, I have no idea if anyone or who is still on the friends list of this journal. This journal after all, was and still is for me. Just like the new one.
I am amazed at how much I can hash out in my brain and how resolute the ideas seem, without ever voicing them to anyone, or writing them down. This is almost cathartic in that I am trying to get down some thoughts that hit me as I drove home tonight from the club. I havent slept very much the past few days, and feel quite delirious. If this post makes no sense, you can blame it on those factors.
There is a point to this. I am and am not Sadcat. The man I was when I wrote much of this journal, was a confused, hurt, and very lonely person. Sadcat conquered a few things though.
This is how the story continues. I live on my own now, with no roommates. I have enough money to blow on dvds if I so choose... I have a bank account again, I have paid off almost all of my debts. I am comfortable sleeping alone, though I still would prefer to have someone to sigh against. I am comfortable with the way I look these days, i've lost a bunch of fat. I firmly believe in myself, and I value who I am now more than I ever have. I am in a room alone and perfectly comfortable with it.
People still call me Sadcat. I don't deny that I like the name... its gothy and cute. I'm not A
Sadcat anymore. I am way happier than I have been in years, and I wanted to share that with the world. I do admit that i still seek out Love, and want to find it again someday, but im also content just to love myself. I also admit I have my bad days too. But I see those as DAYS not MONTHS.
The phoenix hasn't risen, i was here all along. transformation and realization takes time and effort. I'm glad you all could see it as it happened, and I hope you will still be there, when I try to write THE END.
|Wednesday, January 29th, 2003|
I'll continue to make these for a little while, just in case any interested parties have missed the info.
My Journal has moved. You can email me for the new location, firstname.lastname@example.org
|Tuesday, January 21st, 2003|
i've moved journals. I'm not hiding so people are welcome to ask me where it is now. I've killed this one because of work issues.
just email me and i'll fill you in. email@example.com
|Wednesday, December 18th, 2002|
As if I dont have ears to hear by, or eyes to see by... Stirring up shit with people I hang out with now is only going to get you a bus ticket to Fuckoffville.
Shake the beehive, get some bees.
|Friday, December 6th, 2002|
crushed and mangled
I see your angle
i've never wasted my time like this
seeking solace in the arms of another
its as empty as it sounds
I tasted blood on your lips tonight
you couldnt even be bothered to wipe off
your last meal you bitch
Painted like the whore I am
Im off to another shit hole club
trying to get a piece of ass to fill
spot you left gaping in my chest
Oh yeah, these are the good times
I forgot I was having a blast
fucked up on booze and dreams of
what the next victim of my inadequacy
will have to endure
night after night we call it bliss
dancing our nights away in the hopes
that someone will save us from our
spiraling pit of despair that
we've cast ourselves into.
I'm so fucked up, cant you see how much
fun we are all having here?
Lets take pretention to a new level
in this exclusive hide out for the
socially backwards ecclectic fuck tards.
|Thursday, December 5th, 2002|
sowing the seeds of discontent
i stepped of the soapbox
back into the crowed
where they rip and tear
gnashing teeth and lashing tongues
everyone wants to bite off a piece
a piece of my soul, chewed up and
swallowed with a swig of piss
traveling down your stinking hole
of self righteous indignation i've
come to realize that you just
took a mouthfull of shit to your lips
I wasnt worth the energy to
put all of this hate and anger into
you wasted your time as I wasted mine
sailing down the throat from which once
spoke words of love and comfort
you think its easy
you think its sane
to walk away from
a good thing
try and justify it
try to analyze it
take it one further step
twist the knife and wipe
the blade clean on my shirt
its all for the best then
finish this game and pull
the knife free from my back
its starting to ruin my day
|Monday, December 2nd, 2002|
Dude, it was so cool when they did that.
|Monday, November 25th, 2002|
|Saturday, November 23rd, 2002|
I wonder who is going to be the first person besides the piercer and his girlfriend to see my PA? its been there over a month, and only one girl has asked, and that was very awkward because it was a good friend's ex.
I got a message from that one guy to come out to that one place, so I went.
It was so/so, though they played some old school shit like cubanate which was cooler than your mom.
After that place with those people, I came back home and wrote this, about nothing.
|Monday, November 18th, 2002|
oh the games i got are resident evil, sonic 2, mario bros melee, and star wars rogue leader.
my "friends of" list has dropped by 6. So this is working after all.
Im sick and at work.
I'm buying a gamecube for 160 bucks from a guy at work. Its coming with 4 games, a ps2 controller adapter, and a memory card. I've held off on getting this thing for a while, but Metroid Prime comes out today, and the new Zelda game is going to be out soon too. I have to have the system for both of those games, so no time like the present to get it. I deserve a nice present anyways.
|Saturday, November 16th, 2002|
this is where my cam will be for now. bookmark that shit. might see me shower though.
So my night wasn't over after seeing Harry Potter. Ended up hanging out with Casporthos till the wee hours of the night. The sun is coming up now.
I'm glad I got to talk to him, hes a good man. I like honest and up front people. He tells shit like it is, and he doesnt try to pussy foot around a subject. Straight questions get straight answers, what a refreshing concept.
Being right is kind of validating feeling.
My roommate is rad. He got me The Trooper today. its a mcfarlane toy of eddie from ironmaiden. mega bad ass.
I would like to send some thanks to a few people.
Guy for talking to me. KyjellyKelly for being the only person that called me when shit was going down the other day, To christalblu for chatting me online and letting me know I'm loved, To Yvonne who keeps checking on me in email and IMs, To Holly for checking up on me, For the phone call tonight from Shang Chi.
Mina and youcallhersusie checked up on me too.
I'm glad that some people are looking out for me.
I've been in a world of shit for about 5 days now, and its not over yet. I cried my eyes out when I got off of work today, and I just dont feel like I can go anywhere or talk about it, though a few would probably listen if I accosted them and forced myself over to make them deal with my me.
I saw Yvonne and Josh tonight before seeing Harry Potter with a few people. They were going to see it to, but had a different showing. I'm gonna have brunch with them and some other folks on sunday. sounds fun.
|Friday, November 15th, 2002|
I bought a Korg effects pedal to do vocals with for the band Shane and I are doing. wooooot.
i only got a couple hours of sleep, since I left tough guy's house at about 5:30 am, and the guy with the pedal called so I had to get up and pick the thing up.
Its pretty cool. I'll have to play with it more, but so far is cool.